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Motivation
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Wendy Cage
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%202008%20was%20the%20year%20that%20I%20cut%20my%20hair%20off%20(post%20here),%20something%20that%20I%20have%20not%20regretted%20for%20a%20minute%20(well,%20except%20for%20maybe%20a%20couple%20of%20times%20when%20I%20want%20to%20be%20completely%20lazy%20-%20I%20miss%20being%20able%20to%20just%20pull%20up%20my%20hair%20into%20a%20pony%20tail%20to%20run%20out%20to%20the%20grocery%20store).%202008%20was%20the%20year%20that%20I%20turned%2029,%20for%20the%2011th%20time,%20er,%20I%20mean%20I%20turned%2040.%20Basically,%202008%20was%20a%20pretty%20good%20year.%20I%20felt%20like%20I%20had%20things%20under%20control%20and%20I%20was%20headed%20in%20the%20right%20direction.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EThen%20came%202009.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EOverall,%20I%20can't%20complain.%20I%20have%20a%20super%20good%20life%20and%20fantastic%20family%20and%20friends.%20But,%202009%20is%20the%20year%20that%20I%20lost%20my%20way,%20when%20it%20comes%20to%20my%20weight%20loss%20goals.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EMy%20beloved%20Grandmother%20passed%20away%20in%20February%20of%202009.%20I%20am%20tearing%20up%20just%20writing%20that.%20I%20miss%20her%20so%20very%20much.%20But%20that's%20another%20storey%20for%20another%20post.%20In%202009%20I%20almost%20had%20a%20nervous%20breakdown.%20Maybe%20that's%20not%20what%20it%20really%20was,%20but%20it%20sure%20felt%20like%20it.%20I%20haven't%20talked%20about%20it%20publicly%20on%20this%20blog,%20but%20basically%20my%20work%20was%20out%20of%20control,%20and%20I%20wasn't%20handling%20it%20well.%20On%20top%20of%20this,%20one%20of%20my%20cats%20was%20having%20issues%20that%20eventually%20resulted%20in%20me%20having%20to%20put%20him%20down.%20Things%20got%20so%20bad%20that%20I%20had%20a%20panic%20attack%20and%20was%20prescribed%20an%20anti-depressant.%20I%20took%20this%20for%20one%20week%20before%20I%20realized%20that%20this%20just%20wasn't%20for%20me.%20Luckily,%20things%20at%20work%20settled%20down,%20and%20although%20I%20miss%20my%20cat%20quite%20a%20lot,%20I%20am%20much%20less%20stressed%20because%20I%20don't%20have%20to%20worry%20about%20him%20on%20a%20daily%20basis.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EThese%20were%20just%20the%20highlights%20of%20last%20year,%20there%20were%20other%20things%20that%20just%20basically%20sucked%20that%20I%20won't%20go%20into.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3ESo,%20not%20that%20these%20are%20legitimate%20reasons%20for%20which%20to%20blame%20my%20diet%20shortcomings,%20it's%20just%20somewhere%20along%20the%20way%20last%20year,%20I%20lost%20my%20way.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI%20turned%20back%20to%20food%20for%20comfort,%20I%20comforted%20myself%20in%20baking.%20Oh%20did%20I%20ever%20turn%20to%20baking.%20I%20love%20baking!%20I%20have%20got%20to%20find%20another%20outlet%20for%20that.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI'm%20mad,%20no%20disappointed,%20in%20myself%20for%20letting%20things%20get%20out%20of%20control%20again.%20I%20miss%20the%20feeling%20of%20being%20in%20control%20that%20I%20had.%20I%20miss%20going%20shopping%20because%20the%20clothes%20I%20had%20were%20too%20big!%20I%20hate%20that%20I'm%20now%20having%20to%20pull%20out%20clothes%20that%20I%20had%20set%20aside%20because%20they%20were%20too%20big%20for%20me%20before.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EThe%20biggest%20thing%20I%20lost%20was%20my%20motivation.%20I%20just%20didn't%20care.%20No,%20that's%20not%20true.%20I%20did%20care,%20I%20just%20didn't%20have%20the%20ability%20to%20follow%20through.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI'm%20trying%20to%20make%20a%20fresh%20start%20for%202010.%20Based%20just%20on%20the%20last%20two%20days,%20I'm%20doing%20quite%20well.%20I%20just%20have%20to%20find%20a%20way%20to%20bottle%20up%20my%20motivation%20and%20discipline%20to%20carry%20me%20through%20the%20days%20when%20I'd%20rather%20just%20sit%20around%20and%20eat%20candy%20or%20cookies.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI%20don't%20want%20to%20go%20back%20to%20where%20I%20was.%20I%20don't%20want%20to%20have%20to%20buy%20clothes%20in%20bigger%20sizes%20-%20sizes%20that%20I%20already%20passed%20on%20the%20way%20down.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3ESo,%20since%20this%20is%20my%20blog,%20and%20it's%20pretty%20much%20a%20snapshot%20of%20what's%20going%20on%20in%20my%20life%20at%20this%20particular%20time,%20I%20wanted%20to%20write%20all%20of%20this%20down.%20It's%20been%20helpful%20for%20me%20to%20look%20back%20at%20my%20previous%20posts%20from%20when%20I%20was%20doing%20really%20well%20and%20remember%20with%20clarity%20what%20was%20going%20on%20then.%20I'm%20hoping%20that%20this%20will%20be%20a%20post%20that%20will%20help%20me%20to%20move%20forward.%3C/p%3E){kind=link}